Removing the negativity

April 05, 2021

Just talking helps

I had another meeting on zoom with a group of business owners last week. When I got off of that meeting wow I felt a lot better. It's what happens when you surround yourself with positive people.

Talking with them I actually vented a little about some recent issues that I had happen because of some things on and off Shop Local Delmarva. Quite often because of the rules, a post or a comment  gets removed. And the Drama starts. Messages get sent, name calling starts. It is somewhat amusing how unprofessional some professionals actually are. Most of the time it is just because we do not allow negative posts or comments on a group about promoting businesses. But...

The recent round of drama

More recently it has to do with one of the rules on the group and my business. I have explained to a number of people why I have this rule, and why I feel the way I do. It is rule #8. No Insurance Talk or solicitations on the group. This "no insurance" rule has been with the group since the start of the group. It has been reworded once, but it says the same thing. Each time someone ask for recommendations for insurance the post is taken down, and the rule they violated is selected. Sometimes I remove the post, sometimes other moderators do it.

It got back to me that it is being said I am censoring this and removing all insurance recommendations on the group except for my own business. I could elaborate on this but I won't. That is the furthest thing from the truth. So let me clarify just a couple of things for anyone who cares. I know most of our members don't, but before I get back to helping to promote all the wonderful things in our community, I wanted to explain my reasoning in case you hear it differently.

I spend a lot of hours on this group. I spend a lot of hours working at my real job in the insurance world. I do not want to talk about insurance at all on the group. When I started the group it wasn't about me or my business, but I also didn't want to consume more of my time with what I do the other 99% of the time. Do you want to talk about your job for countless hours on the hours you aren't talking about it? See what I mean...when I am not answering questions on Shop Local Delmarva, I am about insurance. I need to have them separate, and I fully disclosed all of this in a number of posts on the group, and it is in the rules.

The group was also started to help other businesses, and I didn't want it to be used as some other...or many other groups that the owners use it to constantly promote only their business. Actually I have done the exact opposite with our group, and I have specifically asked many people not to mention my business on the group. I set up a place for any and all businesses to promote their businesses and want to help you do it...EXCEPT insurance. Yes that's right I don't want insurance including my own business, because I just don't. (that is a period) To some, that makes me a loser, or that I am monopolizing insurance on the group. To them I say as kindly as I can. "I am sorry you feel this way, there is a leave group option."

I have leaned in the gray area a time or two to share a story about the impact that our group has had. My shirts have my logo, I do my videos from my offices quite often. I thank my amazing teams which deserve it. My business is included in the promotions that we do on our group. But there have been several other announcements in our group that list supporters that have sponsored things in our community that include other insurance companies too. They aren't removed.

I think most people understand that all the moderators and I are doing this in the middle of everything else in our work day and free time. No one has gotten paid to do what we are doing on our group.

Now I could easily just do a pinned post each and everyday with my business logo on the group and use the group and Shop Local Delmarva in a much different way than I am. A way that I am being accused of using it. So I want to be really clear I have never once removed a post on Shop Local Delmarva regarding insurance and went back to solicit business from those members of Shop Local Delmarva at all. Maybe I am dumb for not doing that? I am 99.9% sure that I had a former member trying to set me up this past weekend. Easter weekend...nice...right? She told me how the Easter Bunny felt about me...once a couple of her post had to be removed and she then was put on post approval.

All of the moderators and I try hard to keep the drama off the group so our members don't see it. And if your drama has to do with this rule or any of the other rules on the group, we will just remove you and we will keep on keeping on. You are free to start your own group. You are free to do what you want on your own group, you are free to say what you want on your own group. But on our group you won't, and if you don't like it, just leave. Do me a favor though and send me a message in a year and let's see how you like it when you get countless messages about things that people don't think are fair or right. Or if people post untrue things about you to smear you or your business.

I love hearing it...Don't let it worry you

I have heard this so many times. You know I get the..."Haters gonna...hate." Or..."Just breathe. Relax. Don't let someone else cause you to get upset. Don't worry about what others think. Don't waste your energy on them," among countless others.

But even when you let it roll off of your back, you still feel it. I have not prevented anyone's businesses from having a free listing, being a supporter, partner, or sponsor of Shop Local Delmarva. Maybe now that I have seen the actions of some, I might reconsider that. I have spent a good amount of money and time trying to do something special, and together we have!

What is more amusing to me, is a business owner that has gone out of their way to make it known how displeased they are of me, has their business listed in the directory with hundreds of others. If I wanted to censor businesses and people, I guess I could start there? Here is another fact. I am not even the one who approves or declines those listings. Now, I could influence the decision, but I haven't wanted or needed to do that. But you know what they say about people who assume.

Quite often I get the blame when people are removed or blocked from the group. Well I do remove people and block them from time to time...but regardless what you think, remember what they say about people who assume. I am generally the last one that wants to do it.

It is often easier said than done

I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut or not replying to each and every comment. When I was young, I got the "David your mouth is going to get you in trouble," comment. Or my grandfather used to tell me "The Lord gave you two ears and one mouth so you can listen more." I also heard the famous "You always have to have the last word," from multiple people over the years...and still do.

I am hardheaded, and sometimes I have to learn lessons the hard way. I heard that quite a bit when I was growing up too. Running the group Shop Local Delmarva this past year has taught me a few things. Some people are just negative. Some people want to drag you down to be with them. Some people think they look better by trying to make others look bad. Some make up stories about things to make people look bad, when if the truth came out, it might shed things in a much different light. And there are just some people who just aren't worth wasting time or energy on. So why do we do it...?

I often read into things way too much. Did they mean it that way? I have been told so many times, "Just remove them." I mean, by so many people. But I have gotten burned more than once by not going with my gut or trying to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Maybe that is why it is getting easier to stay positive?

What I am doing to stay positive

As hard as it is for me, I am ignoring people. Hundreds if not thousands of messages, friend requests, and emails...all to do with the group over the past year. I also get quite a few for my J-O-B too.

When it comes to Shop Local Delmarva, I do try to respond to messages when it is a message worth a reply back. I don't even look at friend requests at all and have all but stopped posting on my personal Facebook account.

I am taking some really good advice. I am ignoring some, removing some, and blocking some others. And it feels pretty good. Good things happen when you are surrounding yourself with positive people. Or in this case, thousands and thousands of positive people.

Sorry for the super long read this morning. Enjoy the slide show from Ceramic Zone that shows how they make our great Shop Local mugs.

Shop Local Delmarva

David